


A Voltron Rewrite! (Just because I hate myself)

by CrazyAssFangirl



Series: Teenagers shouldn't be defenders of the galaxy [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AKA Space Family, Allura is kind of a bitch, Altean Lance (Voltron), Coran is a literal space dad, Cuddle Pile, Cuddles, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Fluff and Angst, Gay Matt Holt, Gen, Hunk & Lance & Pidge are famiglia dello spazio, Hunk & Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt Friendship, Hunk (Voltron) is a Good Friend, Hunk (Voltron) is so Pure, Hunk gives the best hugs, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Lance & Pidge get panic attacks, Lance (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Lance has Dissociative Identity Disorder, Lance has anxiety, Lance has depression, Lance is even worse sometimes, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Pansexual Lance, Pidge | Katie Holt is Savage, Pidge | Katie Holt is So Done, Pidge | Katie Holt is a Mess, Protective Shiro (Voltron), She literally traveled through space to hunt her brother down, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Shiro (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Shiro has anxiety, Slow Burn, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), The lions of voltron need attention, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, This may end up just being a crack fic, Voltron should not be run by teens, hunk has anxiety, keith is galra, keith is gay, no one is straight, oblivious keith, oblivious lance, pidge needs a hug, sassy pidge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-06 07:23:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17341088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyAssFangirl/pseuds/CrazyAssFangirl
Summary: Altean Lance that has DID, a gay Shiro, Pidge, and Keith. A pansexual Lance and Allura. A bisexual Coran Hunk. Teens are the defenders of the universe for some reason, even though that isn't smart at all. This is going to be mostly canon complaint, so there will be canon typical violence. Everyone has mental issues. You have been warned. There will also be lots of cuddling because Hunk and Lance are like brothers to Pidge. Pidge is a female, and very, very gay. Pidge kinda likes Allura, but only because she's sassy, and cute, and beautiful, and dangerous.





	A Voltron Rewrite! (Just because I hate myself)

          I've had Dissociative Identity Disorder for as long as I can remember, literally. The furthest back I can remember is my eighth birthday and in a new environment with new people, and being absolutely terrified. Before that day is just a wide expanse of nothingness. I don't remember _why_ I was so terrified, nor where I had been living before I found myself in my adoptive families' house.

          Let me explain a bit about how my "illness" works. Like every other person with DID (more commonly refered to as Multiple Personality Disorder), I have other "people" sharing the same brain space as me, and we all live together in a place of our creation where we feel safe, in our case, we live in a giant blue and white castle that's slightly futuristic and magicy. We're usually always off doing our own thing, but we're always constantly aware of what the personality is charge of our body at the moment is doing. That's the strange part. From what I've read, usually the other personalities have no idea what the one in control is doing, not even the host personality. Another thing that's strange about my case: I generally have pretty good control about maintaining control of my body and mind. Also, I can maintain control of the movement of my body, even if another personality has taken control of my mental state, though that usually only means me being able to control the arms and legs, while the other personality can control what we say.

          Anyways. The only people I ever told (outside of my therapist and doctor) were my adoptive parents and siblings, and my one friend _ever_ ; Hunk. We had met in middle school, and he’d been my confident, and the others had quickly agreed that he was someone we would protect. After all, he cared about the eleven of us, and he took the time out of his day to make sure we were all okay. It was thanks to his urging that I’d applied for a drawing where someone in the Galaxy Garrison’s first year program would get to go on the Kerberos mission with Samuel and Matt Holt, and the pilot Takashi Shirogane. I hadn’t expected much, except by some miraculous stroke of luck, I’d won the drawing, and I’d spent a month making sure my body was healthy enough to make the trip into space, as it was a requirement (and highly advisable so you didn’t kick the bucket in the endless expanse of space.) Nothing could’ve prepared me for the events that took place during the Kerberos mission.

          Nothing exciting happened during the trip to Kerberos, which took about four and a half months to complete, but Shiro did get me interested in training, and I decided that I would tell Shiro about my other personalities sometime, but nothing else happened. Matt and Samuel were almost constantly researching things, or talking about what might be out in space for us to find, but I _did_ manage to create a friendship with Matt.

          No, the exciting thing wasn’t good, and it happened as Matt and Dr. Samuel were nerding out about space ice. I had hung back with Shiro, and as we teased the two geniuses, I felt special. And, I opened my mouth, to spill to Shiro my biggest secret. “Shiro, can I tell you something?” I asked, nervously. He glanced over at me in concern, before nodding his head.

          “Sure, what’s up, Lance? Is something wrong?”

          “Umm, well, I really just wanted to be honest with you about something. I-“ I was cut off by the loud sound of a _tractor beam_.

          “MATT, SAMUEL, WE NEED TO GET BACK TO THE SHIP!” Shiro yelled, but even as we ran (as well as you can in space, that is), I knew that it was futile. We were going to end up on that ship whether we liked it, or not. And I _hated_ the very idea.

          I spent what felt like an eternity and a half drifting between sleep and consciousness, but when I finally woke up for good, I was in a cell that was about 10 feet by 10 feet, and in one back corner, there was a small indent in the floor, which I assumed was for human waste. Except, Casey was losing his shit because of his fear of being tortured. I crawled over to the door of the cell and tried to peer out of the small window, but failed because it was just out of my line of sight, even on my tip toes. I heard faint screams, whimpers, and sobbing from other areas nearby, but I couldn’t hear Shiro, Matt, or Samuel. Even if they _were_ nearby, I knew I wouldn’t be able to do anything about our situation. Not even with Ace on my side.

          If there was one thing I learned about being a prisoner, it was impossible to keep track of time. Some days seemed to crawl by with no end in sight, while other days seemed like Father Time had decided to hit the fast forward button. From the hushed conversations I heard from the Galra guards and the Druids, I figured that their leader, Zarkon, was getting annoyed by the lack of information that they were receiving from me. This was proved further by the few times Zarkon came to my personal torture room, and decided to use me as his own personal punching bag.

          Because of the constant torture and experiments, I had whip lash scars running across my back and chest, cuts that had been made so the druids could see my insides, and scars from small cuts that had gotten infected everywhere on my arms, legs, chest, back, and neck. Luckily, I didn’t lose any limbs like Shiro, but it still was more than I thought I’d be able to bear.

          Then, I became a gladiator, forced to kill those that were irreparably sick or injured, just for the damn aliens’ sick satisfaction. Though they sometimes had me fight one of their own, where I took great joy in ending their lives. My last ever gladiator fight was my worst, though. I’d been told that the one I was fighting was a half-Galra traitor that killed dozens of soldiers, and that I had to fight him. Both my opponent and I had been masked, our identities hidden, but after I’d stabbed the supposed traitor for the third time, his mask had come off. I’d felt completely sick to my stomach as I stared down at the sweaty face of my idol, the one I looked up to the most. And without a second thought, I’d flipped off the crowd, before walking off of the blood battlefield.

          My punishment had lasted days. It had been days of relentless torture, with no breaks for food, or water, or rest. Not like I’d expected any less.

          But that punishment had finally been what had revealed my true nature to me. That punishment had actually been what had relit the roaring flame of rebellion within me, and what had united the eleven of us living within one brain. For so long, I’d been ignoring my other personalities, but now, we were one again.

          I began escaping what I assumed was at least once every three days. Finding weak points, observing the guards’ reactions and reaction time, and their fighting levels. I had also grown enough (surprisingly) to observe the cycle for guards. I never gave my full effort, but I tried hard enough where they wouldn’t suspect my real intentions. I also made the escape attempts random enough where there was no pattern. Ace enjoyed escaping the most, but I also found it exhilarating. There were a couple of occasions where I saved Shiro, but those attempts were only so I could explain to him what I was actually planning. Without the Galra realizing, Mason and Ace had both memorized complete maps of the ship we were on, which I figured wasn’t the command ship.

          Then, less than a day after my last escape attempt, the perfect opportunity arose, and a secret ally I had made knocked out my guard, letting me leave. On impulse, I knocked my ally out, hoping that him being knocked out would be enough to convince Zarkon and Haggar that he hadn’t helped me.

          Ace took control of our body, moving us on muscle memory towards Shiro’s cell. Guards fell easily before us, due to Ace’s extensive knowledge of martial arts. Shiro had stumbled out of his cell in shock when Ace kicked down his cell door. As we sprinted towards the escape pods, we scooped up an abandoned gun, without pausing. “Shiro, get in the escape pod, and figure out how it works. I’ll hold these fuckers off for ya.” Ace and I spoke together, a smirk pulling at our lips as the Galra approached, roaring their anger loudly.

          Ace and I decided to drown them out by firing the gun we’d picked up rapidly.

But, even as Ace gunned down one Galra soldier, two more took their place, leaving us with a seemingly endless flood of soldiers to deal with. “You almost done?” I yelled over my shoulder, before killing a Galra soldier that had snuck up on us at point blank range. Ace and I laughed quietly as more idiotic soldiers decided to challenge us. _Three approaching on the right!_ Casey yelled mentally, and Ace and I let out a startled laugh at the anger in his voice. Soon enough, my other personalities would take turn yelling out instructions mentally, and Ace and I would fulfill them with precise movements.

At some point, the gun we were holding ran out of lasers to fire (is that a thing? It is now), so we dropped the gun, instead choosing to fight with twin knives we stole from the nearest fallen soldier. John stepped forward mentally, sharing control of our body with Ace, and me in charge of talking. Our body executed graceful flips and spins as we ran through the large group of Galra soldiers, heedless of the injuries we sustained in doing so.

“Lance, we’re good to go!” Shiro yelled to me, and with one last slash of both blades, John and Ace flipped our body out of the crowd of very confused, injured, and angry Galra soldiers. We sustained one last laser shot wound as we raced into the escape pod, but none of my personalities was focused on that in this moment of time.

The last thing I remember before passing out from pain was something hitting our escape pod harshly, causing us to hurtle at extreme speeds towards God only knew where.

 

I woke up to yelling. As I squinted my eyes against the harsh white light above my face, I felt the familiar sensation of being shackled to a medical bed. I screamed loudly as a needle approached me, ignoring the fact that the person holding the syringe was a human woman, not a Galra soldier. I thrashed as much as possible, determined to keep that needle away from me.

“Hey!” I heard the familiar voice of Shiro yell out. “What are you doing to him? Don’t put us under, we have vital information! They’re coming for us, they have huge ships, and technology you couldn’t possibly imagine! They’re after something! They’re after something called Voltron! We have to find it before they do. Hey, are you-? What are you doing? We-” He fell silent, and the male doctor that was looking at him didn’t look at all apologetic as he apologized for knocking out Shiro. I screamed again, my voice raspy, but I couldn’t fight the sedative the woman had injected me with when I had been distracted.

“No, we gotta-“ Sage started to mumble for me, but we were hushed gently by the woman. The last thing I saw before passing out was her soft smile twisting into something sinister.

* * *

 

_I was sitting in a familiar castle dining room, surrounded by the mental enbodiments of my other personalities. They all looked battered and bruised, and even Ace looked like he was in pain. “I’m-“ I started to apologize, but John held up a hand._

_“Don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong. We’re a permanent part of you, so whatever you feel, we feel. We were created to protect you, even if that means we get hurt. If we die, we’ll come back, but you won’t. We only die mentally,_ you _are the only person here that can’t be replaced.” He gave me a toothy grin. “Now, you gotta wake up, little bro.”_

 

* * *

 

I jolted upright, wincing as the sheer amount of pain I was in registered in my mind. _‘You’re okay. The laser shots you got were bandaged up, and someone disinfected the open cut and scrapes. You’re now feeling the wounds that became infected.’_ Sage murmured quietly to me, and I sighed in relief as I registered Ace smiling softly before pulling Sage into a deep kiss. I rubbed my temples in annoyance, but Ace just smirked at me.

Before I could mentally rant at Ace, I was tackled into a hug by someone, and I looked down in a daze at the familiar shirt of my friend, Hunk. I hugged him back gently, soaking in the warmth that only one of Hunk’s bear hugs could provide. He pulled back with tears in his eyes, and a smile on his lips, but it fell slightly as he looked at the little scars scattered all over my body. I couldn’t exactly blame him, though.

“I’m glad you’re back, Lance. Nothing was the same without you.” Hunk said quietly, walking away from me, and I blushed lightly, raising my right hand to scratch the back of my neck. “It’s true, your family was a mess at the beginning. They still are a mess, but they’re a slightly more organized mess.” I laughed, and Hunk turned to look at me from what was a small kitchen.

“A-anyway, where are we?” I asked, my voice raspy.

“Keith Kogane, you remember him, right? Well he and Pidge found out about the fact that the giant thing falling from space _wasn’t_ a giant piece of space junk, but was a falling ship, so they insisted on finding out who was aboard. They both flipped their shit at seeing two members of the Kerberos mission, and I flipped out about seeing you, so we decided to save you guys. By the way, I’m pretty sure we’re all expelled from the Garrison.”

“Why would you be expelled?” I asked in confusion, and Hunk shook his head sadly.

“The Galaxy Garrison tried to blame the members of the Kerberos mission going missing on _pilot error_ , then they tried to ship you and Shiro off to God knows where when you two literally crashed back to Earth.” I glared at a wall in anger, wishing that Hunk would just let me be alone with Iverson for five minutes.

I found myself pinned down to the couch by a small red headed teen girl that I remembered was attemding the Galaxy Garrison under the name of Pidge Gunderson, “Where are they?” She snarled, and my eyes widened in surprise at the amount of anger she had.

“Where are who?” Pidge loosened her grasp on my wrists in shock, so instinct took over, and I flipped our positions, so I was glaring down at her.

“Where are the other members of the Kerberos crew?” She snarled, refusing to back down, and I shrugged.

“Where Shiro and I were, it was almost impossible to talk, or even see, other prisoners. Matt and Dr. Samuel were useful to the Galra, so they were shipped off to other ships. Shiro and I were extra baggage, so we stayed on one ship, and were used for experiments, tests, and entertainment. Trust me, I’ve tried to find Matt and Samuel, but I couldn’t.” I got off of Pidge, then walked out of the little shack that was in the middle of the desert, and sat down out of sight of the house. And for the first time in what was probably months, I allowed myself to feel the sorrow of having being ruined so utterly and completely.

Raiden mentally ran his fingers through my hair, providing what little comfort he could. Abbott hugged me, and Mason relieved me of my control to speak. Sage took partial control of body movement from me, and that allowed me to relax. I still was in control of our arms, but that was okay. I wanted to feel some fragment of control.

John alerted us to the approach of another person, and Hunk plopped down next to us moments later. He looked over at us briefly before turning his eyes to the horizon. “I’m assuming that Lance isn’t in control right now?”

“Yup!” Mason chirped cheerfully, before letting out a giggle. “You’re so good at telling these things! I mean, he’s in control of our arms, but mostly, he’s resting. Lancy’s scared right now, ‘cuz he doesn’t know what he’s gonna do next.” Mason sobered up quickly, then. “He doesn’t know how he’d even go about explaining to his family what he went through, so he’s not going to. He’s also scared about how he’s going to move on.”

An hour later, I had regained control of our body, and walked back to the shack with Hunk. I had a slight limp that I hadn’t noticed before, but I could tell it was because of an open whiplash I’d failed to notice I received during Shiro and I’s escape. Shiro walked over to me in the shack, a look of guilt on his face, the new scar he’d received a pale pink across his pale skin. “How are you holding up?” He asked, but before I could answer, he continued. “I’m really sorry about you getting involved in that whole situation… And, thanks for saving me, Lance.”

“I did what I could to help. I would’ve gladly given up more to get you out of that situation, so there’s no need to thank me.” He was silent for a moment, before pulling me into a tight hug.

“God, you’re such a good person. I’m sorry.” He turned to Keith, one of my old classmates. “Anyways, how did you know to come and save us?”

“You…Should probably look at this.” Was his only reply, before whipping an old blanket off of an old corkboard covered in maps and papers. “After I got that suspension from the Garrison, I was lost. I got kicked out of my most recent foster home, so I was homeless. I was wandering around the desert when some sort of _energy_ drew me here, to this shack. It was like some energy was telling me to search.” He looked over at us, his violet eyes flashing in the rising sunlight. “I wasn’t sure what _for_ until I stumbled across this area. It's an outcropping of giant boulders with caves covered in these ancient markings. Each tells a slightly different story about a blue lion, but they all share clues leading to some event, some arrival happening last night. Then, you guys showed up.”

              “Um, so I hate to be that logical person, I really do, but where are the aliens now? Are they coming for us? Where are they at this very moment?” Hunk’s panic was clearly written across his face, and I chuckled.

          “I can’t really put it together.”

          “I remember the word Voltron.” Shiro said quietly, and I nodded. “It’s some kind of weapon, and they’re looking for it. I don’t know why, though.”

          “I think we need to find it before they do.” Keith said, and I saw a look in his eyes that said he wouldn’t be budging on his opinion any time soon.

          “Well…” Hunk said, looking uncertain. “I was rummaging through Pidge’s backpack, looking for a candy bar last night when I started to read his diary (the picture will appear later on).

          “WhAt?” Pidge squawked, and I couldn’t blame her.

          “Anyways, I noticed the repeating series of numbers the aliens are searching for, and it look an awful like a Fraunhofer line, which is a number describing the emission spectrum of an element, but the thing is, _this_ element doesn’t exist on Earth.” He shrugged. “I thought it was possible that it was this Voltron. I _could_ build a machine to look for it, like a Voltron Geiger counter.”

          “Hunk, you big, beautiful genius!” I said, launching myself at him, hugging tightly. He hugged back, squeezing so tightly I could barely breath. While we were hugging, Keith figured out that the Fraunhofer line matched up almost perfectly with the outline of a bunch of caves in the middle of this hot ass desert.

          Hunk led us into a cave that sat separately from the others, and I stared in wonder around me. Then, John spoke up. _Touch one of the carvings. You are the key they need to find Voltron._ So, I carefully brushed sand off of a carving, hoping it looked casual, before the cave started rumbling. Screams echoed around us as we fell through the floor down a naturally made water slide, before landing in a pool of water.

          “Whoa.” I said quietly, and I saw Hunk nod beside me.

          “Is this it? Is this Voltron? It must be.” Keith was muttering to himself, but I ignored him as I walked forward. “This is what is causing all this crazy energy out here. It looks like there’s a forcefield around it. How do we get through?” By the end of his little crisis, his voice was loud enough where I could no longer ignore it.

          “What if we just knock?” I asked, doing just that. And moments later, the force field fell, and I was running towards the giant blue lion with reckless instinct and even more reckless personalities guiding me using gut instincts. It was great. We got swallowed by the giant, blue, mechanical, and probably magical, lion, and emerged in a cockpit that big enough for several people to fit in it, which is what happened as the others with me got curious about the inside.

          “So,” Hunk said, as nervous as ever. “Voltron is a robot cat.” Everyone paused though, as a vision flashed through our minds. “Nope. Never mind. Voltron is a huge, huge, awesome robot! And this is only one part of it?!” He was starting to sound a bit unhinged. “I wonder where the rest of them are.”

          “So this is what they’re looking for, huh?” Shiro said thoughtfully, and I just grinned.

          “Buckle up, kids. We’re goin’ for a ride.” I said cheekily, before letting instinct guide me into using the controls. Except, instinct didn’t last long, and the giant blue lion we were in went into autopilot. “Apparently there’s an alien ship approaching Earth, and I _think_ the lion wants us to stop it.”

          “What did it say, exactly?” Shiro asked, but I just shrugged.

          “It isn’t saying words, exactly. It’s more like it’s feeding ideas into my brain, kind of.”

          “Well if this is what those aliens are looking for, why don’t we just, y’know, give it to them? Maybe they’ll leave us alone.” Hunk sounded nervous voicing his thoughts, so I didn’t give him crap for the idea, but decided to explain why that was a terrible, terrible idea.

          “No, we can’t do that. Those guys spread like a plague throughout the galaxy, destroying everything in their path. They’re not gonna just leave us alone. There’s no bargaining with them, they won’t stop until everything is dead.” I said coldly, and I saw Hunk freeze out of the corner of my eye.

          “O-oh. Never mind, then.” When the purple and black ship appeared right in front of Earth, I switched places with John, as I started to feel my panic overwhelming me. And as I mentally sank into the waiting arms of Raiden, I let go of all control.

 

**John**

          I felt mildly surprised when Lance gave up complete control of our body to me, though Casey approached and decided to be the literal voice of reason for a while. Usually Lance kept control of his ability to talk while amongst those who didn’t know about us Altors. I connected mentally with the blue lion, before using the controls and mental instructions to avoid all laser blasts shot our way, and rake a claw along the starboard of the spaceship.

          “I think it’s about time we led these guys away from our planet.” Casey said, purposefully using a terrible version of his own British accent, but Hunk gave us a look of careful observation.

          “Uhh, Lance? They’re gaining on us.” Pidge said, and Casey and I just snorted. “Wait.” Pidge said, pointing at something in the distance. “Is that Kerberos? It takes months for our ships to get this far out, and you’re telling me we got here in five _seconds_?”

          “What’s that?” Hunk pointed at something circular, that I figured was a portal of some sort. Though no way in hell would we say that out loud.

          “I think the lion wants us to go through it.” Casey said quietly, probably hoping to avoid having anyone point out the accent. “I don’t know where it goes, so Shiro, since you’re senior officer, this is your choice to make.”

          Shiro studied us for a moment. “I think we should trust it, but we’re a team now. We need to decide together.”

          After everyone confirmed they were in for the long haul, Casey and I faced the wide expanse of space again. “Well, guess you all are ditching classes tomorrow.” Casey and I grinned together as we entered the teleporter at full speed.

          Groaning was all that could be heard from the others, and even a few other personalities. But then, Hunk threw up. “So sorry.”

          “I’m surprised it took this long, honestly.” Pidge said, and Casey and I snorted in amusement.

          “I don’t recognize any of these constellations.” Shiro muttered, and I realized he was right. I knew where we were, and soon, so would Lance.

 

**Lance**

Hours later, Hunk and I flopped down on what would be my new bed for however long this adventure would last. I was dozing off when Hunk elbowed me. I blearily blinked at him, and he sat up. “What’s up with you, today? You’ve switched so many times, I actually lost count.”

“I-I don’t know. It’s not actually a bad thing, Hunk. While I was on that Galra ship, I realized that I’d been fighting my other personalities. I just need to work with them, and I can do more than my wildest dreams. It also has to do with the fact that they protected me tirelessly. They kept my identity hidden for a long time, but now I know who I am.” I grinned in excitement. “I realized today that I’m the son of Coran and Allura’s fathers’ younger sister.” I’m an Altean prince. The Galra already know I’m Altean, but they don’t know I’m a prince. “I finally remember my past, Hunk.”

“That’s amazing, Lance, but what are you going to do about it?”

“I’m not going to tell them. Allura already hates me, and Coran doesn’t need the stress of taking care of a son on top of what he’s going through. Just like I’m not going to tell the other paladins about them. They don’t need to know, so I won’t tell them.” As I finished speaking, my door slid open, and Pidge ran in. She launched herself onto me, hugging me. “P-Pidge? What are you doing? What’s wrong?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you have DID? I could help you, I could figure out a way to get rid of the others, I could-“ I covered her mouth with my hand.

“Pidge, while that’s a sweet offer, please don’t get rid of them. They exist to help me, and now the universe. They’re not going to hurt anyone.” I could tell she still wasn’t convinced, so I gave her a grin. “Listen, over time, you’ll get to know the others, and then you’ll see there’s no reason to get rid of them, okay? For now, we all need to get some sleep, since I doubt we’ll be getting a full four to six hours of sleep a night for a while, especially you, Pidge. Don’t think for a second that I don’t know that you’re sleep schedule is just as shitty as it was a year ago. And being in space doesn’t excuse you from not taking proper care of yourself.”

 

  **Pidge**

          Lance had a look of pleading desperation on his face, so I decided that I wouldn’t argue back, just because I knew he got annoyed whenever I refused to take proper care of myself. I had just gotten him back last night, so I wasn’t going to be starting an argument with him (without good reason) for _at least_ a week, even though I loved making fun of him. So, instead, I nodded, curling up against Lances’ chest, listening to the evenly calm beat of his heart. I knew Lance and Hunk were cuddled up together as well, since this had happened a couple times before Lance left on the Kerberos mission, and the three of us had been feeling extra homesick. Hunk and I had ended up spending the majority of nights cuddling lately, ever since the members of the Kerberos mission were declared dead due to pilot error. Neither of us had been able to face the harsh gravity of that declaration.

          I ended up waking up in the middle of the night, sobbing from a nightmare where I’d been forced to choose between Lance, Shiro, Matt, and dad, and to shoot the other three. I hadn’t chosen in time, and a distorted version of Iverson had shot them all at point blank range, yet as each of them died, they only whispered loving, supportive words. There hadn’t been fear or anger or sadness in their eyes as the light of life faded to glossy nothingness, there had only been love and support for me, which felt terrible to me, since I hadn’t been deserving of that love, I couldn’t save even a single one of them, after all. So, I lay curled up next to a very much alive and breathing Lance, trying not to let my choked up sobs ring too loudly through the quiet room. Then, I felt panic flosh through me as the quiet sounds of breathing from Lance turned into heavy pants, but as I scrambled to help Lance, I lost my ability to see, and I was struck by rushing thoughts of how Lance was hurting and it was all _my fault, and I couldn’t do_ anything.

          My eyesight returned to me after what felt like years, but was probably only a couple of minutes, at most. What brought me back was the steady sound of a heartbeat, and thin, strong arms that wrapped me in a warmth completely incapable of existing except for within Lance and Hunk. I also registered that my back was resting lightly against Hunk’s chest, with Lance sitting next to Hunk, his arms wrapped around Hunk and I as he rested his head on Hunk’s shoulder. “W-What? When did this happen?” I murmured in confusion, and I felt Hunk and Lance’s sighs of relief ripple through our little pile of emotionally drained teenagers.

          “You were having a panic attack again,” Hunk’s voice was a quiet whisper, and as he ran one of his hands through my hair, his heartbeat kicked up a bit in speed. “You kept muttering something about not being able to help those you care about, which, I must say, is very much _not true_. Lance was having a nightmare, which is what I think is started it, but you’ll probably know more than me.” I nodded mutely, sighing quietly at the looks of patient curiosity coming from the two boys I considered my brothers.

          I was having a nightmare, so when Lance started breathing heavier and faster than normal, it threw me into a panic attack. I’m okay now, though, so no need to worry.” I tried to give them a classic resting bitch face, but even without a mirror, I knew I’d failed miserably. So instead, I simply let my weight rest against Hunk’s chest, and I tried to allow myself to relax.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s note: I know that most people don’t expect panic attacks to be like what I described above, but that’s how I have them. For me, panic attacks are usually accompanied by severe migraines, and the occasional isolated seizure in my eyes, specifically, my pupils. I also get a severe relapse in my depression and anxiety. It also makes me crave physical affection, which often I don’t get because these things often occur because I’m either alone, or with people that I don’t like. Fun, right? Panic attacks often include (but not always) the following symptoms amongst others; dizziness, a racing heart, nausea, numbness, sweating, and shaking. For Pidge, I’ll be having her be completely out of it once her vision decides to up and dip on her ass, just because that’s what I generally experience. She also won't remember a lot (if anything) of what happens after she "blacks out" if you will, so I may write from another person's point of view occasionally to give you a general idea of how she acts during panic attacks.


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